Well, it seems strange since this is the first time i’m sharing story about love, even this is what i have been going through, not somebody else’s story. Wishing this writing will help somebody out there who might have similar condition. 😉
The statements “When you will get married, Nova? with whom? do you love somebody?” have been popping up since these 2 years, not only from friends and relatives but also from myself. Even the questions “Why you keep being single and unmarried? Look at your friends now, even many youngers already been married, then you? Somehow I wish i could answer it gently, but “smiling” is the best way now, well too many things should be considered and explained. Some friends often joke “Hey, your radar is always active and you keep screening those people, then why you can’t just grab one for your boyfriend or even husband.” Oh come on, i’m gonna honestly said that yes true, my radar is always active and even the sensor’s sensitivity is much better now, but it doesn’t mean I will screen those people and just grab 1 person then. They are not virus or a thing for sure.
Complicated story, well yeah, I’d like to announce that I’m proud enough to be single for almost 25 years. is it a pity or a choice? Hmm, i’m gonna gently said it’s a choice. Then maybe you will think that i’m a nerd, weirdo, ancient or whatever. Smiling is the best answer, again i have bunch of reasons that maybe I can share here,
- It’s not allowed in my religion, Islam. Well, It’s not even stated in Al qur’an or Hadist to have relationship before marriage, so I just wanna apply it to my life. Here are some verses about marriage in Al qur’an, for the more details maybe you can google them.
Qur’an Surah Ar Ruum 21: And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.
Qur’an Surah An Nuur 32: And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.
- I don’t wanna get hurt. “why? you haven’t been in relationship, right?” Well, I’ve seen too many bad love stories from my friends, and praying that it wont happen to me in the future.
The words “bad relationship” already boomed up for me since I know what it’s love, maybe since 10 years ago. Having relationships then broken up while already gave everything. I can imagine how painful the persons then. Really, no guarantee for having good relationship will end up with great marriage and life.
- The words “move on” is kinda a nightmare for me when I loved somebody. Well yeah, I’ve been thinking these things to be told for these few years, and now i’m gonna reveal some of them. 😉
I’m thankful that I ever had crush on somebody for almost 7 years, because of this “silly feeling” then I really ignored other persons trying to approach me. Until the time I stopped like him, i still didn’t know that being in relationship is not allowed. I can say it wasn’t love since I was easily erasing the feeling. Why it did take so long? Maybe because of friends, they kept yelling me and him whenever we met. But then the good thing was I could distinguish which was just a feeling, admiration, like and love. I thought I would like to be free from such kinda annoyed feeling until somebody suddenly came over to my life 3 years ago. Well, yeah now i can say it’s a like feeling since I suffered enough to hold this feeling and let it go. If he didn’t care too much, i definitely wouldn’t fall for him. Bad thing was I didn’t prepare myself to have another closed guy friend at that time. I was used to have good guy friends, but nobody treated me like what he did. But well, that’s my past, it’s enough to like him for 1 year. I know everything happens for a reason, and maybe Allah destined me to meet him just for testing how strong I am to hold my faith for not being in relationship. I do know there is no coincidence happens for every single thing here on earth.
“Then how about today? Do i still like him? or do i find someone else? or what happen with me now?” i think these questions pop up not only from my brain but also from some close friends. Today, I honestly tell that i’m really in the gray area, just like the region in fuzzy logic system, it’s really not clear whether black or white. I really cannot determine how’s my feeling right now. I do aware it’s strange, but yeah I have no idea how to get over it. But one good thing is I don’t like him anymore so now i’m feeling free. One of the big reason why I suddenly start over again to love Korean boyband and actors, these are just an excuse to step away. Yeah, at least 98% of this treatment is successful. Then these days, I do meet many new people here in this city and luckily I already prepared myself to not fall as what I had before. Being glad to have guy friends here since i’m feeling like in my previous university back in Indonesia and also having girl friends here as well. They are really good people and hope will “establish” good friendships then.
Living cheerfully while focusing on my study is the absolute goal that I have to achieve right now, but it doesn’t mean I won’t think about having somebody special that will be my husband. If you ask me now who? then I definitely cannot answer. The only one who knows it is Allah, and I put all of my faith toward Him. He knows the best for His creations. I do believe if somebody loves me truthfully, then he will come over and proposed me to be his wife, not by giving such “fake” cares for taking any advantages. I know i’m just an ordinary woman with thousand dreams, but I do believe it will work out someday.
Anyway, these two quotes are successful enough to insist me creating a curve in my lips. 🙂
Aachen, Nord Rhine Westphalia – Germany
Saturday, 6 November 2014